A Road Map for Grief - Taking Care of You

Food. Water. Hygiene. Sleep.

Yup, the basic needs. Let’s be gentle on this one folks, especially for those of you that are living this as you read it. It’s ok if all of these categories are out of whack because your world is upside down due to your grief. It’s okay if you’re out of routine, not caring for yourself the same as before your grief. Being mean to yourself about the areas that might feel shameful won’t ever make any of us shower more, eat less, eat more and just generally do better.

If we wouldn’t say it to someone else out loud then do I really need to be harsh to myself when I’m already in so much pain? Some cultures and beliefs include sitting in the same clothes as part of the ritual. This can look however you want it to.

Whether your eating concerns are in the lack or the abundance eating is a basic human need and right. You deserve food, your eating will not be like this forever.

For a lack of food consumption...

⁃ Consuming in liquid form or protein shake temporarily.

⁃ Going with previous preferred food.

⁃ Eating small snacks.

⁃ Using tools for hunger enhancement.

⁃ Looking at food advertisements or cooking shows.

⁃ Trust your body

For an abundance of food consumption...

⁃ Turning off electronics and visual entertainment while eating

⁃ Taking times rest periods to check in with your body.

⁃ Adding to your plate instead of taking away (have the less nutrient dense food you crave and adding to the plate from there).

⁃ Eating in community with others.

⁃ Trust your body.

Water...

⁃ Flavour it, steap it, bubble it, cube it, lemon it. Please just drink something haha! 🤣

Hygiene...

⁃ First of all it’s okay.

⁃ Secondly you deserve care and a clean body and environment.

⁃ If you have supports for free or for a cost please take them.

⁃ If you are having trouble with dishes, use disposable items.

⁃ If you’re having trouble with showering, use wipes.

⁃ Do the smallest feasible thing for yourself each day and ask for help where you can.

For an abundance of sleep...

⁃ When you wake up get outside as quickly as possible, fresh air especially if it’s cold is useful.

⁃ Cold exposure (ice packs, bowl full of cubes ice and water to dunk your face, cold showers).

⁃ Movement (stretching, walking, jumping jacks, dance).

For a lack of sleep...

⁃ Having a dump journal by your bedside if your mind is keeping you awake.

⁃ Progressive muscle relaxation.

⁃ Cognitive Word association activities (ex. Rest, name all the letters associated with r, then e, then s, then t, chose a new word if still restless).

⁃ Taking a warm bath before bed (going from warm to cold can aid in the release of natural melatonin).

When you explore these intersections please keep in mind that grief is something we learn to incorporate into our lives rather than using tools to remove grief. To remove grief we would need to remove love, with that in mind maybe we do not have to remove grief rather learning to accept and live with the symptoms of my grief as I map out how I go about my personal grief journey.

Validate your own grief, seek tools that help you process the feelings you’re holding around your grief and elevate some of the pressure by intentionally taking time for your grief with a transitional activity afterwards.

I will leave you with some questions to ponder around grief:

• What rituals would I like to try on for my grief?

• What can I learn from other cultures around grief?

• How can I see these intersections of my own grief?

• How would I like to try out a grief hour?